E is for Excitement #AtoZChallenge

Coming off of Monday’s let-down was rough. I spent months preparing for that job, wanting it, being positive, crafting a hell of a set of application answers, the whole nine. The “you’re amazing and we’re sorry we couldn’t accept you” email, while cordial and warm and still very thoughtfully put together, hit me like a brick wall. I guess I never expected that I wouldn’t get the position. I worked so hard to be what this company needed—but you know what? This should be a lesson in “you are enough.” Never let anyone tell you otherwise. Just because they didn’t pick me doesn’t mean I’m “less than” the other applicants. It just means I wasn’t the right fit.

It’s okay to “not fit.”

Being a unique human being is hard sometimes. You want to shine and be seen and make a difference, but I guess… so doesn’t everyone. That’s okay, though. That job may be in the future for me, and I will reapply when the time is right.

For now? I got a job! I can leave the print-hell that is OfficeMax and work customer service from home! Why is this better, you ask? Because I don’t have to get yelled at face-to-face on the daily, and I don’t have to stop production on large-scale print jobs just so I can get yelled at face-to-face by a total stranger. Sure, it’s still customer service and I will still be getting yelled at and blamed for all of the world’s problems, but I won’t have the weight of a dozen printing projects, five other employees, and a breakdown of communication settled on my shoulders at the same time. The first two years of that position was great. I wasn’t always exclusively print, either, so I suppose it broke things up a bit. It wasn’t until this past January that I stopped being able to deal with the growing drama at another store I was shipped to.

Besides, now I can be home to cook for my other half when he gets home from his strenuous OfficeMax day.

For a writing blog, I’ve written very little about writing the last week or so. Lots of changes in the wind!

How are your spring and summer seasons shaping up?

D is for Disappointment #AtoZChallenge

I woke up this morning to a very polite email telling me I was not picked to interview for the job I wanted. I’ve been trying to spin this into something positive for the last 6 hours—maybe it just means I can focus more on my writing, maybe I can put more effort into school and consider getting my masters, maybe I can work harder honing my graphic design skills.

Maybe, maybe, maybe.

Fact is, I should have been doing those things all along. I put all of my eggs into one basket over the last few months and it didn’t pan out. Everyone keeps telling me to stay positive and not let it get me down. “These things take time.” What things? Getting a job? You know what? Sometimes it feels good to be negative.

Sometimes it feels damn good to wallow in self-pity.

I work in an industry where my time and skills are undervalued because we’re conditioned to believe that we’re not worth anything, that retail isn’t a real job.

Well, food, retail, and the service industry in general, have been meagerly paying my bills for thirteen years. To everyone who keeps telling people aiming higher than $9 per hour that they should be grateful they even have a job, I have a few choice words for you. They mostly involve self-fornication, though, so we’ll keep them quiet.

Of course I’m grateful to be employed, but I, we, shouldn’t have to be grateful to be treated like garbage and then ‘tsked’ at when our plans to be better fall through.

Sometimes it feels good to be disappointed and angry and negative.

I’m not saying it’s good to stay that way, but today? Today, I need to be disappointed.

Tomorrow will be better.

Battle on.