D is for Disappointment #AtoZChallenge

I woke up this morning to a very polite email telling me I was not picked to interview for the job I wanted. I’ve been trying to spin this into something positive for the last 6 hours—maybe it just means I can focus more on my writing, maybe I can put more effort into school and consider getting my masters, maybe I can work harder honing my graphic design skills.

Maybe, maybe, maybe.

Fact is, I should have been doing those things all along. I put all of my eggs into one basket over the last few months and it didn’t pan out. Everyone keeps telling me to stay positive and not let it get me down. “These things take time.” What things? Getting a job? You know what? Sometimes it feels good to be negative.

Sometimes it feels damn good to wallow in self-pity.

I work in an industry where my time and skills are undervalued because we’re conditioned to believe that we’re not worth anything, that retail isn’t a real job.

Well, food, retail, and the service industry in general, have been meagerly paying my bills for thirteen years. To everyone who keeps telling people aiming higher than $9 per hour that they should be grateful they even have a job, I have a few choice words for you. They mostly involve self-fornication, though, so we’ll keep them quiet.

Of course I’m grateful to be employed, but I, we, shouldn’t have to be grateful to be treated like garbage and then ‘tsked’ at when our plans to be better fall through.

Sometimes it feels good to be disappointed and angry and negative.

I’m not saying it’s good to stay that way, but today? Today, I need to be disappointed.

Tomorrow will be better.

Battle on.